As I near the end of the journey writing my debut memoir, Destiny Lives On Fairhaven Street, I’m now find myself shifting focus to the business side of the process: marketing.
The goal is to get as many eyes on my book as I can, and that means building up my book’s Facebook page. Likes and followers equal potential sales. I want to take this moment to thank each of you who have been kind enough to like the page.
But, as great as this experience has been, I’ve noticed some unfortunate downsides as I’ve moved closer to publication. Once I created this Facebook page, I noticed some people, many of them men, leaving nasty comments about my decision to not date anyone in the eight years I was apart from Danielle. I debated quoting some of them here, but I don’t want to give them any more attention.
I’ve been hearing this same sophomoric drivel about how “unmanly” my story is since before I started writing it. And though it comes as no surprise, I’ve never been able to answer the question: Why do so many men hold me in contempt for being a romantic? What is so unmanly about loving a woman and being devoted to her? Why do some men find it unacceptable that I spent 1/10th of my life dedicated to a girl when I wasn’t required to? The happiest part of my childhood was when I was with her, so it was only natural that I wanted to get that back. When I returned, I wanted to show her just how much I truly loved her, so I sacrificed the one thing I knew I could never get back: time.
I am the man I am, the husband I am, the father I am, because of her.
The same neaderthalistic thinking these “men” display is the same type my father forced on me growing up. This was the same man mind you, who had four marriages, three of which ended by infidelity on his end.
Writing a memoir makes you vulnerable to the world. I knew this before I started writing, and I wrote anyway, because I am strong enough to withstand vulnerability. I’m proud of what I did, and I’m secure enough in my manhood to share it with the world.
As a father, I want my boys Max and Collin to learn that it’s okay to love someone. A man is devoted to the one he loves. He keeps his word. There is no shame in being romantic and vulnerable under the right circumstances.
This is more than a book. I want it to start a dialogue about outdated male stereotypes and dogmas.
I’m here today as a soon to be published author, a six-foot-tall husband and father, the proud protector and provider of my family, with over thirty years of martial arts experience. My message is simple: If you allow yourself to love, and you allow yourself to feel, you allow yourself to grow into a truly powerful man. I don’t care what these people feel about it.
My uncle was one of my idols growing up. He’s a man’s man, a complete badass and yet he loves his wife, my Aunt, openly and proudly. If I am a quarter of the man he is when I reach his age, that will be a massive accomplishment.
I love my wife, and I’m proud of it.
A real man loves without shame. He does not stray. He does not put others down for their devotion to another. It’s time we return to that.
Destiny Lives On Fairhaven Street – book one of The Fairhaven Series, Coming in 2022.
Some things are worth the sacrifice…
